scary times....

I don't know exactly where to start this....We have been trying to get pregnant for a few months now, but with no luck. Then last month I thought I might be because I was a few days late, but when I took a pregnancy test is was negative. So, I was just waiting to start and I did a few days later. It wasn't a normal cycle, but I didn't think much of it. That was on Friday. Then on Wednesday morning, while I was at the grocery store, I started cramping really bad. I finished up and then picked Annie up from art class and picked up a few other friends to bring home to play. At first I just laid down because when I got up, I felt worse. After a while I was able to get around a bit. I had to get the house cleaned up because we had someone coming to look at it that night. My friend Jordan came to pick up her kids and for whatever reason I ended up telling her the story of how I was late and then had a light period and then the cramping...she told me I should call my doctor because it might be an ectopic pregnancy. Apparently, these can be life threatening because when I called the doctor's office, they told me to keep track of the pain and if it continued to get worse and I started to get shoulder pain, then I needed to go to the ER right away. It was a matter of life and death. Then she told me to take another pregnancy test in the morning. Kurt came home early and finished up the vacuuming and such and then we took the family to CiCi's Pizza. During this time the pain would come and go, and if I sat still or laid down I didn't seem to feel so bad. That night I was up almost every hour just making sure I was doing ok. Then at about 5 in the morning I started to get painful cramping again, so got up and took a pregnancy test. It was positive, which then made me call the doctor. I talked to the doctor on call and told her everything...she didn't seem to think it was ectopic and that she would wait until the office opened and then make an appointment. So at 8 I called and they said I needed to come right away to make sure everything was ok. I saw a midwife who checked me out and didn't seem to find anything out of the ordinary, but sent me to get an ultrasound just to check things our more thoroughly. I still had a lot of tenderness in my lower abdomen on down. During the ultrasound the tech didn't say much, expect they have a radiologist that reads the pictures right away and then they call the doctor to come go over the results with me. I got changed and was a little bummed...I figured I was miscarrying and that is why the tech didn't show me a heartbeat or anything. Man, was I in for a big surprise. The midwife came into the room and asked me to get back up on the bed and to not move. They had an ambulance on the way to take me to Vanderbilt for emergency surgery. I had an ectopic pregnancy that had ruptured through the fallopian tube and was actively bleeding. At this point I started to cry a little...I called Kurt and told him to meet me at the ER and to call my mom and Jordan (she had the girls). We got to the hospital and then the doctor came and explained to me what was going to happen. They kept saying I was doing incredibly well for the situation and that I looked great. I really wasn't in any pain, so I felt good. Before the surgery Kurt and Kyle Baker came and gave me a blessing. Kurt had given me a blessing of comfort that morning and I felt really good about everything. In fact, one of the doctors asked if she could say a prayer with me....it was nice. I love living here and how spiritual everyone is. Everyone was great at the hospital...they couldn't have been any nicer. The surgery went better than expected, I think. They were looking everywhere for a ruptured fallopian tube and couldn't find one...crazy!! There was a lot of blood in my abdomen that they think was from an ovarian cyst that burst and that is what was causing all my pain. They found a blood clot in the tube, but no active bleeding at all. Everything was in tact. They gave me three possibilities....I had an ectopic pregnancy that took care of itself, I am miscarrying or a slight chance that I still have a viable pregnancy. I don't think that the last one is the case, but who knows. I go in on Monday for a blood test to confirm one way or the other. They are also sending the clot to the lab to see if maybe there was pregnancy tissue in it. It all happened so fast, it's surreal. The one thing I do know for sure is that the power of the priesthood is amazing. I really feel like I experienced a miracle with there being no damage on my tubes. I am so grateful for the gospel and for such great friends who I know I can count on for anything. Holly went and got our van at the doctor's office and then picked up the girls and put them to bed at her house. Kurt and I got home around 10ish. So far, i am feeling great. My mom flew out the next afternoon to help and I am so glad she is here. I don't have to worry about anything. Kurt has also been great! He kept the girls out the house for me on Friday. I think that's why I'm feeling so well. I haven't had to do anything for the last couple of days. I've only had to take 2 pain killers too, so the recovery has been amazing so far. I hope it continues this way! I also really feel like I owe my life to my friend Jordan who I feel like was inspired to tell me about ectopic pregnancies. I would have never ever called the doctor about it. It had never even crossed my mind that I may be pregnant. I feel so blessed!! I am also so grateful for the power of prayer. Immediately after Kurt called my mom, her and my grandpa got on their knees. And then my mom called everyone in my family and Kurt's mom called all his siblings, so I know I had a ton of prayers going up on my behalf. The gospel is amazing and the power that is so readily available to us.

On Monday I went and got a blood test (7/20) and my Beta levels are down, which means I am not pregnant...probably for the best considering all the trauma that's gone on in that area. I have to go back for another blood test next week and then another one a month later. I have to have two tests where my levels are at 0 for the doctor to feel comfortable with the situation.

I also had my post op appointment today (7/23) and everything looks good. Dr. Lockshaw says we need to wait three cycles (months) until we should get pregnant again. I can't remember the exact reasoning, but I'm sure it's for the best. It's a little disheartening to Kurt and I since we didn't want our kids too far apart. Now, we'll have to wait until we get to Colorado to get pregnant, otherwise we'll be paying out the nose for insurance with COBRA. I can't get insurance in CO if I'm pregnant, since it's a preexisting condition. So, now Madelyn and the next will be at least 4 years if not more apart. I know the Lord has a plan for our lives and we can't always see the reasoning behind it until much later. So, for now I'm just going to trust in Him and know that this is what is best for our family. Someday, but maybe never, I'll understand why this happened the way it did and the timing of all of it!